“Pain in the neck” is more polite way of complaining that someone or something is kind of annoying. It takes on a literal meaning for me at this stage of my journey and it started a few months ago in Hong Kong.

During last Christmas, our family went back to Hong Kong to see relatives. At that time, I started to feel some pain around the base of my neck and shoulder area. Sometimes the pain got so bad that I could not even wear my backpack. Thomas helped me to apply some muscle pain relief ointment every night. I did not know the cause and just guessed that it might be due to work stress and bad posture working on my laptop for long hours. The pain lasted for a week or so and somehow went away after I came back to the US in January.

I think now I know the reason why. After being admitted to the hospital for the cerebellum tumor, a CT scan showed some deformation at my C7 cervical vertebrae due to bone metastasis from my lung cancer. It aligns to the area where I felt the initial pain in Hong Kong. I am going through localized radiation treatment at my C7 and L2 bones which hopes to relieve the pain. I looked back at the time last Christmas in Hong Kong and I could have never imagined that I have already been on my journey of cancer.

The pain level in my body has got worse in the past two weeks affecting different areas including the base of my neck, shoulders, arms and lower back. From the doctors, the current line of defense has been opioid-based pain medicine. I was reluctant to take it at first due to fear of addiction but soon I had to give in. The pain medicine usually works but sometimes I still suffer from some severe pain especially at night which makes me feel very miserable and down. If the pain medicine is not working, what else can I do? Who else can I turn to? I wish I could testify that I turned to God first before counting on the pain medicine. In reality, the order is the other way around. When I get desperate, I realize that I have no other choice but to count on God.

During the day, we have been memorizing some bible verses in the psalms. So far we are working on Psalm 1, 13 and 16. When I am in pain at night, we start to recite those psalms and pray using them. Sometimes we forget about a particular verse and have to think really hard to recall God’s words. After practicing for a few cycles, I feel more peace in my heart and then will be able to fall asleep. This has happened for a few times. To non-believers, it will be considered a psychological trick of distracting my mind away from my physical pain, maybe something similar to tricks like hypnosis. As a Christ follower, I trust that God is comforting me and granting peace when I turn to Him and cry out to Him for help. This is a good reminder to me that God is the perfect and ultimate healer. I know that I will continue to put the doctors and medicine above God at times in my future journey fighting cancer. Despite my weaknesses, God’s steadfast and faithful love will continue to sustain me and welcome me back to His arms.